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Summer flew by. Yesterday was the first day of junior year for my son, Max.
Looking back on the last few months of summer, I can't believe how many experiences he packed in. You can't do everything, though. Max had to make some choices.
Here's what he (not me) prioritized this summer:
1. Test Prep
Max hears me talk about how important test scores are in this landscape, even for test-optional colleges. When the school year finished, Max was ready to start preparing. Twice a week this summer, Max met with a tutor. He did every single assignment the tutor gave him. He took practice tests to track his progress. And, he is registered to take an official test this fall. Watching Max prepare for his first standardized test gave me a glimpse of who he is becoming. I don't care what score he gets on the test; he'll be fine. I care about how seriously he is taking this.
2. College Visits
Max was chomping at the bit to visit colleges this summer. We ended up visiting about ten colleges this summer. I can't overstate how special it is to visit colleges with your kid, especially when they want to go!
READ MORE: What a Week of College Visits With My Son Taught Me
3. Sports
Max loves being active. He also does two varsity sports during the school year, so staying in shape for both of them is really important to him. He swam for his summer swim team Monday through Friday and played tennis almost every day. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to.
4. Volunteering
I always tell students that you should do the things in the summer that you don't have time to do during the school year. For Max, it's volunteering. He returned to the same organization he volunteered for last summer. Sticking with the same organization allows a student to build deeper connections and create continuity. Max loves the organization where he volunteers. That's the secret. Sometimes volunteering can feel like you are checking off a box on your application. Interestingly, there's no application with a community service checkbox. Do it because it's the right thing to do, not because it gets you into college (because it doesn't).
5. Hanging Out with Best Friends
For the third summer in a row, Max went hiking in Maine with his best friends. He also spent countless afternoons hanging out at the pool after swim team and tennis practice with these boys. Nothing makes him happier. This time is precious, and it is so important for teenagers to have downtime and be themselves with their best friends without any pressure or stress.
I am really proud Max was able to do all these things over the summer. But it meant that other things didn't happen. And, that's absolutely okay with him (and me). Here are the things that Max didn't do:
1. Job
There was no time to "work" this summer. If Max doesn't need to retake a standardized test next year, he will have more time next summer and can get a job. Getting a job as a high school student is awesome, but it's not absolutely required by any college.
2. Coursework
Taking courses over the summer is not required either. In fact, admissions officers prefer students step away from academics in the summer to do something else. While Max was very invested in doing test prep this summer, he truly needed a break from traditional homework. There are some students who take summer courses, typically to get ahead in a particular subject. But very few students truly need to do that.
3. Driver's Permit
I don't know what it is, but my kids have no urgency when it comes to getting their driver's permit and license. Maybe they just love having me drive them around. I secretly love it too. The reality is that Max knows he needs to study for the permit test and carve out time to practice driving. But it's not at the top of his list.
4. Pay-to-Play Program
Max had no interest in attending a summer program on a college campus that costs thousands of dollars. He'd rather spend that money somewhere else, and I couldn't agree more. There are very few colleges in the country that value these programs in the admissions process—oftentimes, not even the college where the program took place.
WATCH: 3 Summer Activities I Don’t Recommend Listing on Your Applications
5. Ivy League College Visits
Everyone assumes that I focus on elite colleges because of what I do. That is not what we prioritize in our family. We prioritize fit. If Max really wants to visit an Ivy League school, I will take him. But when you start visiting Ivies before you even know if you are competitive to get admitted to one of them, you set up this expectation that anywhere else is not good enough. I want my kids to appreciate other colleges first to show them how incredible their experience could be almost anywhere. I am not against Ivies. But with single digit acceptance rates closer to 0%, I want to make sure a student has the test scores to get admitted and a strong junior year before I recommend even visiting an Ivy League, and that includes Max Harberson.
READ MORE: The Worst College Admissions Advice I’ve Seen on Instagram
Growing up is about understanding what you want to prioritize. But you can't do everything. As Max starts junior year, he will have to make tough choices. Should he take another AP? Should he retake the ACT or SAT if he doesn't reach the score he wants this fall? Should he get a job?
Stay tuned. I will keep you posted on all these fronts. Until then, Max Harberson, have the best year yet. I am so utterly proud to be your mom.
